It’s Fate But It Doesn’t Make Sense

So I saw him lying on that hospital bed on Saturday with the oxygen mask on. I couldn’t even stay in the room for long because I knew I was going to break down. I left and sat on a bench in the corridor. I had to take a deep breath so i could relax. People passed and some came to say hello but I was numb and dumbfounded. The state of my cousin Albert, sent a chill down every piece of me.

I went back in but we were all there looking at him as he gasped for breath, with his eyes closed not saying anything. We called his name and we could see him trying to open his eyes in response but failing. It is a curious thing, the death of a loved one. We all know that our time in this world is limited, and that eventually all of us will end up underneath some sheet, never to wake up. And yet it is always a surprise when it happens to someone we know. It is like walking up the stairs to your bedroom in the dark, and thinking there is one more stair than there is. Your foot falls down, through the air, and there is a sickly moment of dark surprise as you try and readjust the way you thought of things.

Despite many failed kidney cases I just had hope that his creator was going to lend him another lease of life. I prayed each day he was in hospital telling the Almighty that from the book of Genesis to Revelations he had no record of failure so he sure could not fail me now, but oh well they call it ”God’s time” or the inevitability of fate but for now it just does not make sense. If I had known that my last visit was going to be the last time I see him I  would have  bid him farewell.They say you will never understand life until it grows inside you, so I can not begin to imagine the pain my aunt is growing through right now at the loss of her child. She probably is saying out her lamentation like Job, He said, “Naked I came from my mother’s womb, And naked I shall return there.The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away. Blessed be the name of the LORD.” If only it was easy to bless the Lord in such a time. I really am failing to understand this thing called LIFE.

Emotionally:I am done

Mentally; I am drained

Spiritually : I am almost dead

Physically : I smile

The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time, but will we ever be ready to loose our loved ones. They say life is good, leaving you doing nothing but simply wondering if the so called goodness is a packet of bittersweet candy.

Acceptance of the hard balls life throws at us is hard but that is the road to recovery.”Recovery begins with embracing our pain and taking the risk to share it with others. We do this by talking about our pain.” John Bradshaw

Rest In Peace Albert Chimusumba.

Ufambe murugare watisiya neronda..

Gone but not forgotten.

 

Advertisements

2 thoughts on “It’s Fate But It Doesn’t Make Sense

  1. Sorry for your loss, your words stirred up emotions in me and I found myself shedding a tear because it’s true what you said, even though it’s fate we can never truly understand this thing called life.

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s