His phone rang and I knew it was another woman. He was stammering so much and struggling to make a decent conversation. I looked at him and smiled…
No I wasn’t happy that the good looking guy sitting next to me was just about to hang up his phone and either going to start a different conversation or try so hard to tell me his own version of ”once upon a time in China”.
I sat there my body hot with anger and waited as he said bye to the woman on the other side.He continued the conversation we were having before the phone rang and there I was playing the fool.On this very day my suspicions were proven accurate as I always thought there was something wrong with this guy.
I was in such a dilemma where I wanted so bad to distance myself from him but yet I couldn’t stomach the idea of letting go.I was tossing and turning the whole night on what to do but it was damn simple I had a choice. How I would want to slap anyone who walks up to me and says ”I didn’t have a choice”. I so had a choice of simply texting him and telling him I am done and block him and move on with my life.
Instead I talked to him and he was smart about everything but even after telling me I was the third person in the picture I decided to stay. So what the hell did this guy do wrong yet I am the one who decided to stay. I hated the fact that I was still hoping, but for what really? I realized that one of the hardest things to do is letting go of something that you would have thought to be real.
Some say its painful to wait for someone ,some say its painful to forget someone. But the worst pain comes when you don’t know whether to wait or forget. I couldn’t have chosen to wait because there was nothing and no one to wait for but sadly I did.It’s hard to wait around for something you know might never happen, but it’s even harder to give up when it’s everything you want.
Waiting for him was like waiting for rain in a drought – useless and disappointing.But I held on hoping he would finally leave his woman or that I would simply grow out of it and leave. I played the fool i gave him my body to do as he pleases I broke down the walls of Jericho. He didn’t have to climb over them but simply I gave him an easy ride.
I tried really hard, I promise. But one day I just woke up and I couldn’t handle it anymore.Loving him was not a mistake but thinking that he loved me was. The promises that he would leave his family for me were not stupid but me believing it was.I had a lot of reasons to leave but I chose to stay. I literally lost my mind trying to find his heart.
I don’t know what it is that made me love you but right now I hate me for loving you. You had my heart but i never had yours, I thought it was love so I stayed.But you weren’t trash for making me believe you loved me. Oh yes you never asked me to stay with someone else’s man that I chose too.In this case I chose to be trash by playing the fool.
Not every man is trash!So you had experience with a few bad ones now you going to use the same brush to paint every male specie. Is a gay man trash too? I wonder. There are still good men out there the tag is just not easily visible.So which ever brush you choose to paint these men I will simply say not all men are trash, ohh yes some are but just don’t play the fool woman.