Sometimes I Wonder….

When we were in high school I still remember singing,’’Sometimes I wonder, were life will take me. I am afraid to face the future but I can’t look back….

Back then we would sing the song but did we really mean what we sang and did we even know what we sang, I wonder.

Sometimes I wonder if maybe every time I would take heed of other people’s advice, I wouldn’t have made some of the mistakes I did

Then I wonder that if I had not  made those mistakes then would I have learnt anything at all. Maybe the mistakes were going to follow me and catch up with me at a certain time .

Sometimes I wonder maybe if I was born to a different family, life would have been all perfect and rosy and I would never had struggled in any way.

Then I wonder where would I be without the support ,love and care of my crazy family. Life was never perfect and I never had it all but I would never  trade my family for anything else. They are my double blessings.

Sometimes I wonder if there really is a God out there ,up there or where ever. Is his love so big for all of us and does he really care for all of us .If he so does then why the pain and the heartache, the stress and the struggles

Then I wonder who  had my back the whole time when I was down and out. There  are  many times  that I look back and smile and say that surely was my God.  If it wasn’t for his love and mercy then where would I be.

Sometimes I wonder why I even bother caring for some people . Then I realise I have got such a big heart  and so much love when I can help really why not because at the end of the day we all need someone.

Sometimes I wonder whose side God is on, but if he wasn’t on mine one thing is certain I really wouldn’t be here.

Sometimes I wonder if I could read people’s minds and get to know what they think about me. I wonder if I could just disappear and see who will miss my presence.

Then I realise maybe it won’t be as sweet as I would want it to be and maybe the people that I think would miss me when I am gone will not even notice when it does happen.

Sometimes I wonder if love is worth fighting for and so many times I am ready for war. Then I realise I don’t even have any energy left in me to do so.

Sometimes I really wonder why I haven’t just thrown in the towel and just hand in the gloves. Then I realise that perseverance and that burning desire to succeed won’t let me stop .

Sometimes I wonder if I am a girl with a storm instead of a soul  or if I am a storm inside this fragile girl’s skin. I really do not know

Sometimes I wonder why I do what I do. I know I got some crazy habits that I wish I could change but I can’t do all this alone.

Dear Lord , I ask you to help me let go of this buggage that I know is not pleasing to you. Help me to let go and be free.

These are just thoughts randomly in my head….



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