The rate at which people from my generation are getting married and divorcing is alarming. It’s like getting into a movie house eager to see Fifty Shades Darker then come out with the greatest disappointment thinking maybe “I should have went for doughnuts and coffee instead!” I’m yet to really understand this new trend in my generation where our marriages are even shorter than the Hollywood couples. I have been cracking my head and trying to put it all together but it seems to be a fruitless effort.
However, I have been looking at my parent’s marriage. I did take a few lessons from them, something that I would love to keep with me and hope will help keep my marriage, when I do get married. The one thing that my mother says has held their marriage together is God and prayer. She always says to me without God you are simply like two kids playing house.
So my parents have been married for 34 years and of these three decades to my knowledge, my father has been the only man my mother has been with. My mother, to my knowledge, has been the only woman my father has been with. My father was the typical play boy who found a “soul mate” then chose to settle and make that one lady his all. Of the two decades and a few years I have known these people their differences seem evident to me each day and I question how they even fell in love. I have noticed how they so many times get on each other’s nerves, how they disagree and can go on and on in an argument but sleep in the same bed after LOL, talk about #baegoals.
My mother always mentions certain things about my father which pissed her off before they were even married. She had to learn to tolerate them. These traits were sure not going anywhere. She says so many times I would get so mad at the things he did but instead of working on changing him I learnt how to change my attitude towards the things I didn’t like about him. As much as we are all human and think that at times certain things are just simple we are all different and were raised differently. It’s sad how most of us young people feel the need to change our spouse yet we don’t have the capacity for self introspection to change our attitudes towards that which we do not like.
Let me give a hilarious example of my parents. My father started growing grey hair at a very young age. He applies black hair dye on a regular basis.So at times he wouldn’t shampoo his hair thoroughly and when he goes to bed his hair would mess the pillow cases which in most cases would be white. We all know how women feel about laundry. So my mom instead of always getting into an argument with her dear grey haired bae everytime he would leave hair dye on the pillow, she simply made it a point to put a towel on the pillow during bed time. Since then they have never argued about that.
At times when you cannot change a person it may be best to change your attitude towards them. “Whenever you’re in conflict with someone, there is a thin line between ruining the relationship and making it work for much longer. That thin line is attitude.”
It seems this is going to be a long read so I decided to have a part one and part two which will be published tomorrow.Hoping that the people my generation get to learn a thing or twofrom the older people. I still believe in long lasting relationships, marriages and love. There is more to life than matching African print outfits, couple t-shirts and club hopping. I still believe in being real and I so need someone who is all the way 100.