‘’The real act of marriage takes place in the heart, not in the ball room, church or synagogue. It’s a choice you make not just on your wedding day but over and over again and that choice is reflected in the way you treat you wife or husband.’’ Barbara De Angelis
I have attended many weddings and I have been a bridesmaid several times and there is always that one or a couple of elderly people asking me the “WHEN” question. This then makes me wonder why I am getting that question. I simply want to look them straight in the eye and say if you had probably gotten a dress sent to Zimbabwe or tailor made for my wedding you might as well wear it to church or some baby’s dedication. There is so much to life than just getting married and who says I want to get married anyway. At times, if not all the time our African society has this blue print which rather dictates the age one should marry especially when it comes to the girl child.
So of the few decades I have been on this earth I have had married men try get me into their beds. I have seen married men and women cheat on their partners and there I was believing in happily ever after. So I have an ex of mine who apparently got married, paid the lobola (bride price) and had a white wedding. Next thing this guy is calling me asking to see me, stalking me on my social media and even stalking my boyfriend. I got the shock of my life not because I don’t believe that married men cheat but he just didn’t strike me as one to cheat. He always portrayed the “I am so happily in love with my woman’’ type of vibe.
I got to talk to him and then ask him what it is that he really wanted from me seeing as he had a gorgeous wife whom he adored at home. His response rather shocked me as he proudly said, “a little fun won’t hurt’’. The whole situation got more confusing for me. So in other words his gorgeous wife bored him sometimes so he was looking for a little fun outside his home. This brings me back to this line of advice, get married to someone who even when you wake up and they bore you or annoy the life out of you or are not as pretty or handsome as before you still want to be with them.
I have met and talked to a number of women who have been married for a couple of years and have beautiful children but still looking for this “fun’’ or companionship outside their homes. Then I ask this question, “why did you get married?’’. Some say I didn’t know it was going to be like this then most bring the, “he or she has changed”, line and some are simply bored but are in it to keep up appearances. I am sorry but I would rather be unmarried or single than be a part of the keeping up appearances show. Marriage is simply not compulsory. If you still want to have fun elsewhere or seek companionship elsewhere then how about you simply don’t involve the government and family saying you want to be with that one person till death you part. It’s hilarious how when one posts a selfie with bae the side dishes are the first to like. LOL
I think it’s better you die as the single guy who has had so many partners or the girl who never got married. Than the wife or husband who the whole world knows is unfaithful. It really is not a must that you should get married. So if you know you really are not up for the game of being with one person keep in mind marriage is really not compulsory. I know Christians will hit me with all sorts of verses and lines but Jesus, Jeremiah and Paul didn’t marry you know.
It breaks my heart, when I see girls so desperate to get married these days, some even become paranoid about the danger of not being married. And I ask myself, is marriage everything that women and men came to do in this world. Is it a sin if a woman or a man does not get married in this life? Did anyone come into this world with a life partner? So ladies if no man is ready to marry you please concentrate on your gifts, abilities, goals and you. It is not a sin to be single, and if you are not married it is not a curse too. Same goes to men who get married because all their friends are married. Or because they feel they are getting old and they want to have children. Please you came into this world alone and you will depart from it alone.
To me, marriage is not compulsory, it is just an African mentality that when a child reaches a particular age, he/she should be getting ready to marry. But Paul in the Bible said that if you can stay pure, you may not need to get married but if you can’t, you may. If you can’t submit as a wife and you can’t love as a husband, RUN.
Nowadays people get married for the wrong reasons…”they are over age”, “the man is ready”, ” all my friends are married already “, ” my family is pestering me”, blah blah blah. If couples are asked why they got married to that particular person, some may have nothing to say, and if they were asked if they would choose their partner again if they have the opportunity to do so, many will say no.
People will write “10 rules for a successful marriage”, ” dos and don’ts of marriage “, blah blah blah….. Love and marriage are ‘’we’’ DECISIONS we make and we have to stand by such decision and take responsibility for it.
In conclusion, marriage is necessary but not compulsory…marry for the right reasons.
Do share what you think in the comments..