When you hold resentment toward another, you are bound to that person or condition by an emotional link that is stronger than steel. Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get free.”
I never knew how strong I was until I had to forgive someone who didn’t even apologize. To just let go of the pain, the hatred, the hurtful words and say to myself “it’s ok”. It was not easy but after letting go I realized it was the best decision I had ever made.
“The weak can never forgive, forgiveness is an attribute of the strong.” Mahatma Gandhi
Unforgiveness is like feeling you need to empty your bowls but you choose to hold on till your tummy hurts. The sad part is that unforgiveness leads to bitterness and anger which you take with you everywhere you go hence hurting and destroying other people and things along the way.
We have all heard that bitterness is like drinking poison and expecting the next person to die but what really breeds bitterness is usually unforgiveness.
The decision to forgive simply means, I have decided that my happiness and the well being of my heart is much more important. It means I have decided to let go, heal and move on. So forgiveness does so much good to nobody but you.
But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.
So many times I have asked myself how many times have I sinned but I still go back to God and ask for forgiveness and he does exactly that. Ok lets quit the spiritual and talk about the number of people I have wronged my entire life.
I apologized to some but not all, yet still a great number of them forgave me and never held a grudge. So why can’t I just do the same to that person or those people who I believe hurt me so bad and free myself from a prison of my own making.
A few days ago, my sister quote Nelson Mandela’s words which he said before leaving prison.
“As I stand before the door to my freedom, I realize that if I don’t leave my pain, anger and bitterness behind me, I will still be in prison”.
To forgive is to set free a prisoner and realize the prisoner was you.
She went on to say
” I wonder how many of us have imprisoned ourselves in the walls of anger and bitterness”.
This got me thinking that I really need to free myself and start all over. This doesn’t mean the scars will be gone. They will be clearly evident but we look at them different, as lessons and a reminder of how strong we are.
Imagine holding on to all the pain of all the ex partners or your current partner caused. This means you are constantly in a battle as you are depriving yourself and your heart that feeling of warmth, peace and comfort. In the end you become toxic to not just the people around you but yourself.
So if it will take sitting down for a chat with that person who did you wrong to forgive then do it. Do whatever it takes because your own happiness is at stake. Imagine how Nelson Mandela preached reconciliation even after spending two decades in prison. If he had preached hate then the war and apartheid would probably still be in South Africa.
Hence Desmond Tutu said “Without forgiveness there is no future”.
One other thing that we all ought to do is forgive ourselves for the mistakes we did. Do not beat yourself up about it accept you made a mistake and move on.
“Forgiveness begins when you remember who wronged you, but still wish them well.”