With every baby I hold in my arms, with every cute picture I see and all the cute outfits in the baby shop the more I want to have you. I am always imagining how after all the pain sweat and tears of labor it will feel like holding you for the first time and hear your first cry.
My dear baby, everytime I think of holding you for the first time I get this feeling that I can’t even explain. Bringing your cute and beautiful soul into this world will bring me so much happiness and fulfilment. I could be super excited about finally having you diconnect from my body which has been your fortress for the past months. But I am surprisingly scared.
They say it’s a cold world when you are out there all alone, but you will have me right. Even when you have me I am still scared and wonder if the world will be kind to my baby. There are so many despicable, vile, horrible things that I have seen in my not very long life. Just the thought of anything happening to you has my heart stopping for a bit and my whole body turning cold and grey.
Then I remember that in this cold world..I turned out just fine, hurt and pain never extinguished the fire of love and kindness. So forgive me if on some days if not every day I seem protective I pray I don’t become over – protective. I am trying to keep myself calm that I will not be the paranoid mom who panics if you are minutes late from the usual time you get home.
My dear baby, I promise you I will love you when your nose is still cute and your hands super small. I will love you when you are crawling all over the house and grabbing my things. I will love you when you start talking and say no to me sometimes and will still love you when you throw your tantrums.
I will tell you I love you everyday so even as you grow and experience life you will know that true love exists. I want to be not just your mother but your best friend too. I don’t know if I will ever be ready for the sex talk and the boys/girls talk but I know we are going to have it someday. I will be there every step of the way in your corner screaming your name the loudest even when you are down.
I want to make the most memories with you so even when you go to a college far from me or when you get married when I miss you I relive them. I struggled with believing in me even when my loved ones did but I want you to know that you are simply enough rather more than enough. I will not choose who you will love or marry for you but I pray you choose wise and God gives you the one fit to be the bone of your bones.
One more thing I am not going to give you an English name because venecular speaks volumes and like one of your aunts Aunty Tsakani you will be able to brag “I was originally named”. P.S : I know what I will call you already so please just come now so I can love you. Your grandparents, aunt’s and uncles can’t wait to shower you with love. Your are loved dear baby.
Your Excited,Ready-to-love-you, hella scared Mommy…