We Can’t Talk About Sex!

Sex is everywhere nowadays. From the television,the internet, magazines, billboards and it has always been in school textbooks. Surprisingly even with it being all over the place I must admit where I come from they don’t talk about sex.

Remember that awkward moment when it was family time and there’s a movie showing. Then suddenly it turns into kissing and touching and everyone in the lounge is trying to reach out for the remote or if you were like me you would simply say goodnight to everyone and walk out.

This has gone on for over generations in the Zimbabwean and African society at large but I believe  it has done more harm than good. Imagine being so uncomfortable about talking all things sexual even your own reproduction system.

I asked a couple of ladies in my life about who they went to when they got the visit from mother nature and had their first period. A bunch said they went to their mom or aunt but prior to that they admit they had never had the conversation about their menstrual cycle except in class.

Then as much as one might not admit  we  take this whole “we can’t talk about sex” into our adulthood. African parents will give one “the talk” when your brother impregnates the girl next door or when your sister gets knocked up. In my head I am thinking how do you even know that I am not also sexually active already.

Where were you when the hormones started doing the things in my body, when the cycle started and could have babies or when I was at that age where I could get a woman pregnant? I pray that when the time comes that I am going to be a mother to some beautiful souls may I be so open and be ready to give them the sex talk when the time comes.

Young adults are now getting sex education at school and among their peers only ,when they should also be getting it from home. If the kids are so exposed to it , how come it’s still so hard to talk about it?I watched an all women’s panel being interviewed by Azania Mosaka on Real Talk. I must say I was pretty impressed.

After watching that particular interview I realised that the whole secrecy we take into our adulthood of not talking about sex has even led to bad sexual relationships, bad sexual appetite. People be it male or female can not openly talk about sex hence even sexual health matters will have those suffering from the certain ailments shying away and not talking about it.

Imagine a partner who has so much they would want their lover to do to them during intercourse but they fail to put the message across because of fear of being judged. One must admit that in the African society women were socialised to belive that they have to always pleasure their husbands but what happens to their own feelings?

I don’t know what my Mama is going to think after reading this but I have had enough conversation with different women (mostly married)to realise that even after the teenage years the sex talk in a marriage is not a walk in the park. Forgive my language but I belive that as long as people are having sex every single day then we ought to talk about it as often. As long as we know our kids will not remain little and their bodies are so going to change ,then we ought to have the “sex talk” at a given point. 

Talking about sex will probably get you labels (from people who are also even having it #smh) but we out to talk about it. Maybe what makes it hard for parents to talk about sex with their children is also the type of relationship they have built over the years into teenage hood and adulthood. I would love for parents not to shy away from the topic hence making even their kids comfortable when talking about it and making wise decisions.

Some will argue that talking about it will seem like a green light of saying “go on my child have sex”. But with the internet, the television and everything else I think you would rather school them than all these secondary sources.

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