In our society, young wives are told to hold on to their marriages and be the perfect partner and do all one can to make marriage work. But no one ever gets to tell the young women to free themselves when they actually can especially where abuse of any kind is displayed. Despite the statistics which reveal the many deaths caused by physical abuse it is rather weird how many women have stayed only to leave in a body bag.
It’s when such a tragedy hits that people want to come together and advocate for abused women to leave their relationships and make formal reports. Sadly sometimes it’s just a little too late and you can’t tell a dead body to leave now can you. Sometimes it’s not a dead body but one gets so conformed to the abuse that they would rather stay till the day they die. As we continue our survivor series we met Rumbie a 38 year old woman who divorced her husband close to four years ago and she decided to tell her story of survival and how she will never give any human being the power to make her feel any less of a woman or human being. Here is Rumbie’s story…..
I had left my first marriage a bitter and angry woman as my then husband would not treat me like his wife or anything close to someone he cared about. To him I was just the woman who gave him a child and was taking care of the child and that’s it. But it was not always like that. For some time I was in love and felt like the only girl in the world. With a man who cherished her and usually went out of his way to ensure that I was happy.
Sadly, the moment I got pregnant and was as big as an elephant things started to change. I get it at that time I was the least attractive woman , nothing even close to a pregnant Kardashian but I deserved to be treated well. Well this part of my story is not really the focus but I just had to give you a back ground of my life and share my story of survival. He started coming home late , he was seeing other women and when confronted he just wouldn’t budge. I realised I wasn’t wanted nor needed anymore so I decided to just walk away for my peace and that of my unborn child.
Now that is nothing close to being a story of survival. After some time my baby grew and seeing her beautiful face and chubby cheeks I decided to let everything go and work on forgiveness. I realized being a bitter mom would not have done my baby or anyone any good. I had to let go and I decided to focus on our lives together as at that moment she was my comfort. When I lest expected it , I found love again.
He was light skinned and in his eyes I would get lost to a different world. I was hesitant at first as in my mind I didn’t want to go down the same road again. All I ever wanted was for someone to love me and love my daughter also. This guy was just what I needed and the love was close to being perfect. We dated for over two years until I finally introduced him to my family and he did the same thing. We decided to get married and it was such a beautiful event. I had another chance at love and what better way than to celebrate it with those who were close to my heart.
I believe them when they say the first five years of marriage are the “honeymoon” phase as during the early years of my marriage I was simply having the time of my life. I was floating on pink clouds and feeling like the luckiest girl on the planet. One fateful day, my ex husband called my phone wanting to talk but surprisingly everything that happened was taken way out of proportion. What I thought was supposed to be a conversation of a couple fixing whatever was wrong with their marriage turned out to be a heated argument with my husband accusing me of still wanting to be with my ex as I kept picking his calls. I laughed it off as I just thought it was a joke ,but then I realized the joke was on me. My husband grabbed my wrist and told me that I was being disrespectful and before I could even say anything or comprehend what was going on , I felt like my right cheek was on fire from a slap.
Yes my husband out of rage had slapped the life out of me and I was super confused. I didn’t recognize the man who had grabbed me with so much aggression and anger. I was in a room with a stranger and not my husband. This was the first time he had ever been physical with me and it looked like he was even shocked also. I stood there looking at him and he looked away. I had to wait for a few minutes hoping that I would wake up from the dream but my husband had just given me a hard slap. It was all real.
I stood to go to my bedroom and again he grabbed my hand and uttered the words,” babe I’m sorry”. But before he could say more I told him to leave me alone and walked away. I couldn’t even change into my pyjamas , all I did was huddle myself into a bundle and cried till I slept.
When I woke up he was still asleep and I got my daughter ready for school. As I was in the kitchen preparing breakfast he came and said goodmorning. I must say at that moment all I wanted was to get away from him. I saw my baby girl off as she went to school and went back to the house. He tried to make conversation but failed dismally as I wasn’t going to have any of it. He left for work were he almost blew my phone with calls and texts of him apologising and how it would never happen again. I asked him why he did it in the first place and his response was, ” I was just paranoid and thought maybe something was still going on between you and your ex but I am sorry.” I had nothing to say to him so I hung up.
When he came back home he was being so much extra.He came with a card that read sorry ,some flowers and chocolates and a bottle of my favorite wine. I was tempted to just let things go and all but somehow I managed to maintain the distance. When morning came I decided that maybe it was just a mistake and this guy was genuinely sorry. We talked about it and he swore to never lay his hands on me ever again unless it was to hold me or turn me on. I believed him and told no soul about it but now I know better. I should have left the very day he slapped me for the first time. The other part of the story coming soon..