relationships, life,

When did you realise you were the toxic one?

I have seen people post about toxic marriages , toxic boyfriend and girlfriend relationships, toxic parents and the worst the toxic friends. Most people have some sort of experience with one of the above mentioned. But before you talk about the speck in the next persons eye have you managed to look in the mirror and fix the log that’s in your eye so you can see everything else properly.

There are so many quotes and memes calling out these toxic people but what if you are actually the TOXIC ONE. And please don’t get me wrong. All I am trying to say is that so many times we are stuck on what the next person is saying or doing that we tend to forget or miss when we are the toxic element of the equation. Sometimes you are actually the toxic person. The mean and negative person who you want to push away is you but still you are worthy.

I have encountered life victims and God knows I have acted like one on so many different occasions. The one who always has people doing her or him wrong and never look at what they have also done to have people acting that way towards them.

I know people are always shunning negative energy or vibes and getting rid of people who are toxic but what if….

What if you are the one who is always criticising people, insulting them and putting them down in that snotty condenseding manner. Maybe you are actually the one who is bringing the toxic and negative vibes.

Are you sure you are not the selfish one , who in relationships always pushes the other person to the edge to see how much it would take for them to pull both of you back up. Remember controllers, abusers and manipulative people don’t question themselves. They always say the problem is someone else.Now I am not really trying to be the bit** here but one has to play the devil’s advocate and say it.

We have the people who are always complaining about other people not being consistent in their lives, but maybe that’s a reaction from someone you also haven’t been consistent with. Or maybe you just full of drama that the people around you are keeping their distance. News flash boo boo, there’s still hope in Israel. Yes the world has bad people who do bad things but hey I am sure you also have done your fair share of bad so cut people some slack.

The thing about being toxic is that one needs to actually know that they are toxic and accept it then decide to work on it. I used to have a problem with friends and family who would always say “you never come around anymore , or we miss you which translates to me not being at their house in a while. They would make me feel bad for not being there till I realised that these were the bad guys not me. In the sense that if you miss me please come see me. Do not be hitting me up with a message making me feel bad when you can also return the gesture. So yes there are those who feel bad when you don’t check up on them yet they never check up on you. Don’t be one of those please.

We complain of these sons of someone and how they broke our hearts a million times. You know what I don’t want you to think I am the enemy but hey what if all you ever needed was to let go breath and not be with someone who you knew wasn’t as invested in the relationship as you were. Maybe like me you had Daddy issues and was looking at this guy with your Dad as the bench mark and when he didn’t meet the demands he was a d*ck head gosh the pressure.

At what point did you realise that there’s something called tolerance which you are not good at hence being around other people is a stress for you. At what point did you realise that apologies are just not your greatest strength and it takes a life or death situation to get one out of you. Listen or rather read this very carefully sometimes yes you are actually the problem . Sometimes yes you are the one with the toxic traits . Sometimes we always want things to go our way and we do it or demand it without even noticing , and when people pull away we get confused .

This surely sounds like a rant but I just had to say it because I am sick of people preaching about getting rid of toxic people and moving away from negative vibes when they are the problem. And hey that can be fixed anyway.

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