I just found out my parents are human too

This is my first blog post after a very long time. Life happened, pain, loss, mistakes, heartache and top that up with a psycho ex-boyfriend who had and probably still is stalking me. He would put vile and negative comments on my old blog posts even on my about page. I was just caught up in all of that drama, such that I ran out of inspiration but the girl is back. I would have put some of the screen grabs of some of his comments but this is not the post for it but will definitely share those. He is probably also going to read this and if he is his usual self, put another comment or maybe he got tired but hey I digress.

If I could write a book about my parents, it would definitely be one on unconditional love, grace and tolerance. I would share all my fond memories from when I was a little girl to the ones when I became and adult and realised their love for me had never changed. I would write about how my Dad is more affectionate than my mom but how Ma has been learning to love all five of us the best way she can and how we want to be loved. I will probably not write about how I would want to love my kids like how I was loved, because honestly I am still not sure if I want to have kids of my own. Maybe that would change at some point in my life but that better be soon while this body can still be a rearing factory.

Anyone who knows me has had me brag about how I was raised on love. I can go on and on about hugs and kisses from my dad or the random messages and phone calls from my mom. Or the many times she just texts ‘’I’m praying for you my sweet girl’’, and in that moment I feel better. They say parents know when something is wrong with their child or when their child is lying, and I have seen this to be true with my parents and any of my siblings. Both my parents have been pastors for the greater part of my life and at some point I felt that their jobs came after God on the list of most important things. I was never there when the call to the vineyard came so I definitely would not judge them even if that was the case.

Growing up, I saw my parents put their sweat and blood into spreading the gospel, loved how the congregates would have nothing but good things to say about them. In all of this I also felt some sort of neglect and for some time detached myself from them. I grew to be an independent child and took that all the way to my teenage years and adulthood. I knew they loved me but never aired out my concerns when maybe I missed them or they missed my game or swimming competition because they had to adhere to the call. I will say this, I am different from my older sister who constantly needs affirmation and all of that. I am the I know you love me so we are cool typpa child. But for the longest time I had questions and thought there were certain things that they could have done better It was until the day I had a heart to heart conversation with my mother that she told me about her upbringing and how that affected how she loves us or shows her love.

Her words that day stuck with me as she said, “Sometimes I actually assume that I am doing it right but you have taught me that maybe sometimes I am only loving you how I know best now how you want to be loved.” Indeed people can learn but you cannot expect someone to give what they do not know. From that day I have since granted my parents the grace that I should have granted them way back. Despite having five children, no one is ever a pro at this parenting thing. You have to lean to be a parent and make mistakes as you try to figure out how to keep that little human being alive and also love them the best way you know how to. I was so stuck on understanding if their job took precedence over everything else but never stopped to think of the many times they granted me grace as a child. I wasn’t Dennis the Menace, but I sure had my moments but still after the scolding and beatings I can confidently say I was raised on love.

Why would I expect my parents, who are human to make no mistakes? Yes in my little world as a child they definitely could do nothing wrong but they are human. I stopped asking the question I had and stopped looking back at the times that I felt they could have loved me better or done more. I apologised for the thinking they loved their job more.

I realised that their love for me seemed to actually grow each day. I granted them the same grace that they always granted me and my siblings after messing up a million times. I realised that as everyday is a lesson, they are also learning to be great parents each day and with each milestone in their child’s life. I would apologise a million times for the times I questioned their parenting skills and work on being a better daughter. Even if I die today I know I was loved and I have known love because of my parents. They are not perfect but they are humans before they are my parents.  

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